Is it Relationship Anxiety, or is it my Intuition? 3 Steps to Determine the Difference
If you have ever had relationship anxiety- or incessant doubt and anxiety about your relationship, then you have had this question. Is it my anxiety, or is it my intuition?
Trust me, I know how scary this question is. By the end of this post, you will better understand how to determine the difference between intuition and relationship anxiety.
Step One: What is the tone of voice?
Is the tone of voice in your head judgemental? Commanding? If so, you may be hearing the voice of your inner judge. Our inner judges are part of our inner world (a BIG part of relationship anxiety) who attempt to protect us (and others) by getting us to think, behave, and emote in the "right" way. Because- if we make the "wrong" choice- we will suffer, experience pain, and emotionally "die."
On the other hand, people who experience their intuition report a soft voice- a gentle nudge.
Step Two: Urgency Level
Does the feeling in your body, accompanied by the voice in your head, tell you that you MUST break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend RIGHT NOW? Your heart beats fast, and your body's senses are heightened, like you must run out of a burning building. But when you look at the state of your relationship, you see a kind person (albeit imperfect) who has treated you with respect.
Your relationship anxiety's job is to find the danger and take care of it quickly. So when your relationship feels like the source of the threat, you feel an urgency to "fix" it.
Our intuition, or "gut feelings," are more gentle and benign. There's a sense of peace and stability about the feeling, even if it is warning you of something negative (i.e., this parking lot is not safe, I should ask my friend to walk me to my car, or, Going to the beach today is precisely what I need to feel better!)
Step Three: Reactive or Responsive?
A reaction to a stimulus occurs without our conscious effort- and is usually accompanied by a very strong emotion. For example, if a car cuts me off in traffic and I give him a rude gesture, then I was reacting out of anger.
Same with our relationship anxiety. We experience SUCH strong emotions that feel so urgent that it is hard not to react strongly to them.
Intuition, on the other hand, offers a responsive course of action. Our intuition pipes up: "I know you want to make your fear known. Before doing anything rash, take a few deep breaths". Our intuition encourages us to let go of the voice of fear and get in touch with our deeper needs and emotions.
There you go! Some practical tips on how to start to recognize the voice of your relationship anxiety versus the voice of your intuition. However, if you still feel doubtful and anxious at the end of this blog, you may need to work on your capacity to hold strong emotions and learn to trust yourself. If this sounds like something you want to work on, book a free 30-minute consultation with me today!
